Relationships, Uncategorized

One Heart One Love….But you need new Friends

We all have had a time when we gave our all to a person, position or project and was left feeling unappreciated, abused and just plain used. There was a level of vulnerability that you allowed to be displayed that left you open to be hurt in a major way. You’ve shed some tears, broke some things and maybe even went into hiding to get beyond the pain. But sometimes even with all those tactics and maneuvering to clear up the residue of the pain inflicted on you, it sometimes still lingers. Its frustrating because all you want is to be free of the reminders of it and move on with your life and for some reason you just cant!  Well my friend have you considered that the issue may be the people that surround you? Could it be that these very individuals are the ones causing the remnant of pain? I know often times we don’t want to think that someone close to us is causing us additional pain, but the fact is the very people closest to us are sometimes the very ones hindering our success in life. So once you identify who they are what do you do? How do you handle such a delicate situation? How do you possibly open up the conversation and how do you move forward after you’ve had it? Do you just dive right in with no chaser? Or warm them up to it by creating the right environment to discuss the issues. Neither are horrible the main thing is to do it. Its your life and you must take control. Taking control requires courage and confidence. but you can do it! When having to take these measures give a few of these tips a try: 1. Meet a neutral place Do not meet at “the spot” that is your normal hanging place to chat or catch up. You need to meet in a neutral spot where the distractions will be minimal and the interaction can be more focused. 2. No small talk Normally when you meet up with a friend you two discuss a little small talk. What happened on the way, who called you just before you got there etc. The tone of this conversation is serious and you want to make it known that you mean what you say and you must say what you mean. 3. Leave no stone unturned Speak freely and frankly. Do not beat around the bush with your feelings on the matter nor leave out certain things that you just don’t feel like going into at the time. If it hurt you, held you back or seems to be a repetitive issue address it. 4. Let them say their peace If by chance the relationship can be saved you must allow them a chance to say their side. You cannot control the entire conversation, dump all your concerns on them and not give them a chance to respond. Even if the relationship is not salvageable, its always healthy to hear what the other has to say to create that closure many of us like or need to have. It either confirms what you already knew or creates awareness of things you didn’t. When everything has been laid out on the table there is a weight that can be lifted off of you emotionally which allows you to move forward in life freely without hesitation due to the past. Now of course there is no right or wrong way to address a situation that is hurting you. The most important factor is to address it. Do not allow another moment of your life to be stolen away due to poor habits, lifestyle choices or influences. Deal with them and remove as necessary. It’s your life and you deserve to live it in abundance! Much Love ~Cole~