Relationships

Avoiding The Rebound Effect- How to heal without hurting others

So you have just got out of a long term relationship or marriage and that itch of loneliness begins to rear it’s head. You block out all the thoughts that try to come about your ex and anything that reminds you of them, but no matter your strong efforts you still find yourself battling loneliness. You begin hanging out more with friends, doing more things to fill up your time like reading or working out, but nothing seems to fill the void where the person once was. Then in an instant the right man or woman comes into you life fills the void and places you on cloud nine!! I mean you are so far up that no one could see you or tell you anything even if they wanted to. Life is good!! Life is so good that you began to leave your great friends behind because you just don’t have time and now begin changing your entire life to fit the void that has been filled. I mean after all they are worth it right? So since they are worth it, why do you still feel empty? Ever asked that question? Or how about this, why do I not feel the same as I once did when it all first started? They haven’t changed and I haven’t changed but something is changing. Two things are happening here: 1) The wounds from your prior relationship(s) are reopening and pain is coming back. 2) The person you thought was ideal to fill your void turns out to be nothing of what you originally had in mind. How do we get here? How do we fall so easily for someone and not cover all the bases before doing so? What causes us to repeat cycles of pain that could be easily avoided? Well my friends, just like two things can make it happen, there are two primary things that can help us maintain control over them. Patience and Perseverance. You must allow yourself time to heal and that takes Patience. You didn’t fall for this person overnight and it’s going to take time to get over them and move forward in your life. With Patience you need Perseverance to keep going. You need that inner drive that tells you no matter what you go through, hear or see you deserve the partner you desire and you can weed out the mess to get to them. Just takes a little practice. Patience Time can’t move fast enough when you have no PATIENCE. Time will challenge your every nerve, rock your world in every way as it relates to healing from a breakup. The key to maintaining patience is looking ahead to what you DESIRE and not focusing on what you lost. It’s easy to get lost in the drama of all the things you and that former partner could of done or had, but why not focus your efforts on what you learned that they couldn’t give you and look for those attributes in what you desire in the future. When dating take it slow! Go in with the mindset of I am just getting to know them and nothing more. If it blossoms great if it doesn’t no biggie. We are going to have fun and enjoy life in this moment. No pressure and no promises. Take all things with a light heart for at least 6-12 months depending on how long you were in your last relationship. This will not only give your wounds more time to truly heal, but you will also prevent unnecessary hurdles for you and the other person to overcome as it relates to comparisons of the past. Everyone deserves to be given a chance to start with a clean slate. Especially when they were not the ones who hurt you. Patience also gives you a chance to really know if a person you start to be involved with should remain a hang out buddy or something deeper. Time reveals much! perseverance Perseverance reminds you that you DO DESERVE what you DESIRE and no matter how much one tells you that you are being unrealistic, you must believe that you can and you will get it. How you keep that hope alive is by looking for examples around you. If it’s a happy balanced marriage look for couples you know who display this and ask how they keep it going. if it’s a strong leader or goal oriented partner look for someone who displays those characteristics and ask how they learned to be that way. Whatever it is you are looking for in your relationships find the example ask questions, seek answers and repeat the process. You can never have enough examples of what you desire. The more examples you have the more proof you will have to support your decision to wait and fight to have such a thing. Like the picture above shows, the obstacle may look impossible but all you need is one example and a strong will and it CAN be so! Breakups on any level are hard and heartbreaking, but with the right tools, support and mindset you can be an over comer of them and have a happy whole ever after. Just keep pursuing PATIENCE press thru with PERSEVERANCE and your PROMISE will be had! Much Love Cole