Dating, love, Relationships

Soul Candy

If you know anything about soul food, you know that it gives you a feeling internally that is unmatched when prepared by the right hands. The atmosphere it’s prepared in usually feels like home, the aroma of it makes you smile from ear to ear as you envision what it will be like when you finally get a bite of it. Once eaten, this type of food leaves you immensely satisfied. What if you could get that same feeling when you connect with ones soul? Is it possible? Of course it is!!! Often times I hear from women that dating in the world today is getting more and more tricky. Finding the one person to build a life with has become more contractual than conceptual, time passing not fulfilling. Seemingly a big game of adult play. Or is it? Have we become so inundate in being the better versions of “Bradgelina” (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie), “Benifer” (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez  yea I know you forgot about them huh?) the fun loving ever embracing of all people The Smith’s (that would be Will and Jada) or the monopolizing power couple “Jay and Queen B” (if you didn’t know that’s Jay Z and Beyonce), that we want the “appearance” of a great relationship, but not the work of one. Are we so caught up in the “what it should look like” phenomena that we no longer know how to make soul connections? It appears that the digital, instant relationship status on Facebook desires have turned us into robotic beings when it comes to building lasting relationships. So how do you break this and gain more? How do you know if you have a long lasting love or a lustful liar. I’m so glad you asked, here are my thoughts: Don’t rush into anything!!! Image result for rushing into a relationship images We women are great at stating a solid case to our girlfriends to the point where we have them so convinced, even the most obvious signs of trouble are missed because we’ve came up with reasons why they aren’t. Sloooooow down! To the girlfriends who hear their love struck friends, be honest and take the risk to hurt temporarily in order to save her from great pain later.

  1. Develop a friendship- Can I talk to you? Candidly? Be myself completely? Are we like minded? Communication is huge!! Don’t make excuses if it’s difficult.
  2. No Sex! Sex messes our brains up ladies. We are emotional creatures. Once we put sex on the table we have distorted our view to see clearly with the feeling that sex gives. The sex becomes more desirable and we miss what the person is showing us about their true character. It can wait.
  3. Skip timelines and seek peace and purpose ties- Is there more peace or chaos when you two collide? Is there purpose being fulfilled or purpose being delayed? Do you see them manifesting things in their life or are they just doing whatever you’re into with no direction of their own? (This really matters for goal driven women. Pay attention) Often times we get caught up with how much time has passed or how much time we’ve waited to have someone, that we focus more on that than the compatibility component.
  4. Moving in together with talks of marriage and no ring, major NO! NO!- Ok so I am going to ruffle some feathers here by being old school. A man who prepares a home for you can lead you (strong independent woman). A man who moves into yours will be led by you. I have talked to countless women who have been the leader of many relationships and they will tell you; if he can’t have a home/business/purpose on his own and invite you into it, he isn’t ready to build another with you! If you desire a man to lead you, if you desire to have security that goes beyond his finances, you must see how he leads without you. How does he handle adversity without you? How does he bounce back from setbacks without you? How does he care and provide for himself without you!? You can’t see it if your combing finances, homes etc. early on. My suggestion? Give yourself a year minimum before you even think of teaming up. A year passes quickly (look at 2016 and how 2017 is moving), give time the chance to reveal true character. Don’t allow desperation to distract you from destiny and ultimately cause you great destruction. It/he can wait!
Above all these suggestions and words of wisdom I’ve obtained from the very pitfalls of life I’ve experienced, let the word of God guide you. To help kick it off for you, here are some scriptures to meditate on and use when applicable. 1 Timothy 3:12: “A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well.” Proverbs 14:23: “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” I love that one because it is so plain; basically if he talks more than he proves RUN! There is nothing more painful than to get involved with anyone that does more talking than doing and ultimately fills you up with hopes of a great life with them only to find that they don’t want to truly put in the work required to have that life. Do yourself a favor, look to have a soulful connection that transcends way beyond physical touch, it is by the fruits of the spirit that you will know where their heart truly lies. For many want to be married but not for the same nor right reasons. Happy soul searching!! Cole