- Develop a friendship- Can I talk to you? Candidly? Be myself completely? Are we like minded? Communication is huge!! Don’t make excuses if it’s difficult.
- No Sex! Sex messes our brains up ladies. We are emotional creatures. Once we put sex on the table we have distorted our view to see clearly with the feeling that sex gives. The sex becomes more desirable and we miss what the person is showing us about their true character. It can wait.
- Skip timelines and seek peace and purpose ties- Is there more peace or chaos when you two collide? Is there purpose being fulfilled or purpose being delayed? Do you see them manifesting things in their life or are they just doing whatever you’re into with no direction of their own? (This really matters for goal driven women. Pay attention) Often times we get caught up with how much time has passed or how much time we’ve waited to have someone, that we focus more on that than the compatibility component.
- Moving in together with talks of marriage and no ring, major NO! NO!- Ok so I am going to ruffle some feathers here by being old school. A man who prepares a home for you can lead you (strong independent woman). A man who moves into yours will be led by you. I have talked to countless women who have been the leader of many relationships and they will tell you; if he can’t have a home/business/purpose on his own and invite you into it, he isn’t ready to build another with you! If you desire a man to lead you, if you desire to have security that goes beyond his finances, you must see how he leads without you. How does he handle adversity without you? How does he bounce back from setbacks without you? How does he care and provide for himself without you!? You can’t see it if your combing finances, homes etc. early on. My suggestion? Give yourself a year minimum before you even think of teaming up. A year passes quickly (look at 2016 and how 2017 is moving), give time the chance to reveal true character. Don’t allow desperation to distract you from destiny and ultimately cause you great destruction. It/he can wait!
- Compliments Create Conversation
- “This is the best party. How did you come up with this idea?”
- “You look great. Where do you get your sense of style?”
- “I admire how you have built your brand. What advice would you give to someone in the beginning stages of building their own brand?”
- Always think Servitude (Where do they have a need that you can assist with?)
- Offer/Provide your time
- Extend your gfts and or talents
- Give of your resources
- Grow Organically (If it’s meant to be it will be)
- Connect through social media
- Have small talk when at mutual events
- Be kind and authentic. Never try to be someone you are not to gain their attention
- Influence (fame, recognition, leadership, authority or power)
- They always seem to have an emergency that needs your assistance
- They take from you but you can hardly count the ways they have given back to you or can be relied on when you are in need
- Around for the good times but never the bad times
- They often make more “I” than “We” statements when collaborating with you on something
- They often tell you what you want or need to hear but with no action tied to it
Oh how I love social media!! There was a time when you had to wonder what was going on with this household, that relationship or co-worker. Now you just log onto your favorite social media site and you can pretty much learn all you want to know! It’s funny at times, but in most cases very scary and downright sad. There was a time when one would say “What happens in this house, stays in this house.” Now its “Let’s show how REAL we really are and post it!” Let’s show the people that we are no different than the next person. We are human just like you” Now I am all about being authentic and transparent with people when it will benefit them and help them succeed in life. But I do not agree with telling my every move and keeping people up to speed on every possible move I make. There has to be balance to everything and social media is no different.
I have watched countless relationships get ruined or badly damaged due to social media output. I have seen women and men attack each other on a whole other level just to be relevant or popular. Or the ones who have deep wounds that have not healed and bleed their feelings all over social media pages to gain support and strength. Both can be very unhealthy and detrimental to ones future. Therefore, managing this big resource will be key to maintaining your focus and protecting your goals and the people in life surrounding them. So how does one stay in touch with the ever changing social world and maintain privacy? Great question! Let’s take a look:
Relationship statuses need not be a priority to post
If you are not married leave the relationship status option alone. Here’s the deal, we all know that people change, things change etc. etc. Unless the ultimate commitment has been made, that being marriage, you run the risk of appearing unstable or one who tends to “play the field” quite a bit if you get my drift. If you’re a serial dater or use the online dating option quite a bit, use caution in giving updates with photos of who you’re out with. As we all know when things are going great in the relationship world, everyone and their cousin wants to throw some type of negativity on it. It’s almost like the universe of hate decides to bless you with all things ugly. You get inbox/text/voicemail messages from people you don’t know saying “I felt you should know..” or “Beware they are known to..” all in an attempt to sabotage your happiness or bring about drama to watch unfold. Save yourself the extra stress by saving this update for when it matters most and that would be when your tax filing status has changed.
Self Centered Selfies – “Let me take a selfie”
Oh the famous selfie. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter are inundated with selfies galore! Everywhere you scroll you tend to see a selfie. I admit they can be fun to post and humorous often times, but when the selfie turns into a “look at me” daily scheduled event, it can be down right annoying. A recent 2013 Facebook survey stated “Facebook users found that posting photos of oneself correlates with lower levels of social support from and intimacy with Facebook friends (except for those marked as Close Friends).” The lead author of the study suggests that “those who frequently post photographs on Facebook risk damaging real-life relationships.” In other words, people don’t want to be forced to like you because you take photos and look for likes to be tagged to it; even from your closest friends. It becomes almost an obligation for them rather than a sincere compliment. Although selfies are the norm for social media, use them more at networking/business events, sporting events, conferences etc. Basically limit your self-centered photos of being in the bathroom, in your car, or in the bed for that special someone or practical jokes. It might just save you a ton of embarrassment and or even your job!
No more drama please
You know this person. One minute they are happy the next minute someone has psst them completely off then the next minute they are hopelessly in-love then the next moment the world is ending. Dear God! Make it stop! I got annoyed just typing that up. Ladies I have to really go hard on you with this one because this is primarily done by our gender. Yes we are emotional creatures, nurturers and guiders of this vast world; but does everyone need to see your emotions flood their timeline? I think not. For my most sensitive male, the one who is “in touch” with his feelings this goes for you too. We all have those days when the world of feelings just hit us every which a way. I mean slap us in such a way we want to scream. But please for the sanity of those who love you and for your reputation leave the drama for inside your home or your therapist. Believe it or not, many employers use Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn as a primary source of getting insight into who you really are. You don’t want to miss out on a great opportunity all because you decided to share your every waking feeling with the world.
At the end of the day, we all have our shortcomings or less than favorable ways that some people just won’t deal with. The key is to let those traits be seen by those individuals in a controlled and less public manner. Because what you do now, truly does come back to you in the future when sharing it on social media. Stay cautious my friends.
- The person or entity you are playing in the grey for will reap much reward, while you suffer by not being true to self
- Being in the grey is a place of instability. You will never truly know where you stand for grey is always complicated
- You deny yourself the chance to be truly happy and fulfilled by sacrificing your desires for someone elses
- Manipulation is the key player in this role. It does not play fair and it controls you by using your desires against you
- Deception is what you fall prey to both as the player and the opponent. You are not who you say and the battle you fight is within to maintain a role that does not fit you nor is good for you
- Emotions run extremely high like a roller coaster ride. At any time the tide can turn and immense pain and suffering can and will appear