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Uncategorized – My Blog

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Dating, love, Relationships, Uncategorized
Here lately I’ve been involved in many different conversations with women regarding the treatment they receive from the men their dating. It appears there seems to be some disconnect on both ends regarding expectations that should be or are set when in the dating phase. The question I always have is whether or not the two have identified what phase they are even in, Dating or Courtship? First and foremost, there is a difference between dating and courting. Many don’t either clarify this fact, or even believe this to be true which I find fascinating.  I find this fascinating simply because without clarity, how does one truly know where they are headed? How do you know if you are aligned properly with someone if you are not clear on their intent? Especially when embarking on any type of relationship be it personal or professional. So let’s clarify the two shall we?   Dating couple Dating- A couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple. dating couple 2 Courtship- Courting is the experience of developing a deep relationship with someone, with a view to seeing if marriage is right for the couple, without the complexity of sexual intimacy being part of that relationship. Enabling each to find out everything about each other, developing unconditional love and trust, with out rushing things, to decide if this really is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Alright, now that we have clearly identified the differences, let’s talk about setting the tone for intent. For the ladies…. Believe it or not, you set the tone in which you are treated. An individual can only do what YOU allow. This isn’t just in the case of dating/courtship with men, but in all areas of relationships. You allow someone to treat you poorly, they will. You allow someone to take advantage of you, they will. When in the dating phase you must remember, you’re only task is to get to know the man. Don’t go so far ahead of yourself by putting your eggs in one basket seeing one guy. You shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone at this point so there should not be a problem with you seeing other people. Until THAT MAN steps up and asks you to be with him solely (move to the courting phase), it’s open season for anyone to be considered. This does not make you hoe-ish nor thirsty, it makes you WISE. Be selective with your time and careful with your heart. You are precious, treat yourself as such. This leads me to my next point, NO MORE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE! You will NEVER capture any man’s heart by feeding his flesh; even if you can cook! Flesh is flesh. What capture’s most men I have talked to is an ability to speak to his heart. Think of a mother son relationship and the power it can have on a man’s growth and confidence. His mother speaks to his spirit. She often feeds his ego, yes, but the biggest area a mama feeds is her ability to see all he can be (his spirit). She speaks to his gifts and talents. She reprimands him when he strays from who he is and comforts him when he has tough times. Now I don’t want you to take on mama’s role, but I do want you to start thinking like a mama would. Meaning, how can you possibly speak into any man if you don’t truly know him? How can you correct him to help him get back on track if you have no idea what he’s made of. You don’t find this out by sleeping with a man; you find this out by hanging with him in his natural environments. Learning his friends and family, seeing him in his element. That takes an investment in time and time is a commodity you can’t afford to play with, so just like your body use it with great care. As you get to know the men you’re “dating”, you then can determine who should have more and more of your time. You determine the amount, but you do not demand it be done! Ladies to often we demand more of men we are “dating” than we should. If a man wants to see more of you, trust me, he will let you know. If he does not, this is why “dating” is what it is, you can keep it moving! As you cross over into the courting phase, you will then be able to set more expectations with one another that both can agree to and grow from within the relationship. Move too soon (meaning you push him to be exclusive) and you could lose out on a good thing. This is why “dating” is so important for a woman to learn to do. It’s a great way of guarding your heart (Proverbs 4:23) and an avenue to use often to avoid unnecessary drama. For the men… We ladies love to be girly. Even the most strongest and independent of us still LOVE to be girly. It’s the essence of who we are. When you speak to the little girl in us (saying things like “hello beautiful or “where’s that beautiful smile today”) it gives us the warmth of what it is to feel pretty. It’s highly welcomed when done right (that’s another topic for another day) and goes a long way. When I say cherish the little girl, I am saying be able to see what makes her unique from any other woman. Be able to pinpoint what makes her tick and speak to it. This gives you major brownie points! Now when it’s time to lead the lady, you need to be direct and play no games. If you are only interested in a hang out buddy, say so. If you are not in a place to pursue more than a friendship, say so. If you think she’s nice and a great catch but just not for you, SAY SO. Don’t play the game of hopefully she’ll get the hint and go away, it’s a cowardly move and you’ll look weak. Because here’s the deal, once you burn the bridge with a GOOD WOMAN, there is no rebuilding. So be wise in your walk regarding her.  On the flip side, when you know you want to cross over to the courting phase (you see true potential in marriage), BE CLEAR! Just make it known. Say things like “Are you seeing anyone else? If so, I don’t want to see anyone else but you so how can we make that happen?” Or “Encase you didn’t know already, you’re the only woman I am seeing. If you’re not doing the same, can we be exclusive?” (Just trying to help my shy brother’s out) By making it clear where you want to take things, you are leading the lady. Oh and can I mention, whenever you are courting your lady, maintain her security. To lead a lady, she must feel secure with the man she is with. That means honoring your word and when you fall short owning up to it versus redirecting it on something or someone else; especially when the someone else is HER! Be productive (have a career game plan or business in place your pursuing or building), I’m sorry most independent women are not interested in the “Come up brother”.  You know the one who is working on his business plan, but not implementing or showing any advancement in it. Ah no! Not going to work. When stressful situations hit, she needs to know that you know how to bounce back. In other words show her your resiliency. She needs to know that you can handle stress when it comes and how to partner with you as you lead the way out of it.  Yea, that part is crucial. Lastly, fella’s PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t tell the lady you want to lead what she wants to hear all the time. Tell her what she NEEDS to hear balanced with what she wants to hear. When you walk in truth you allow her to see that she can trust that you have her best interest at heart in good and bad times. That my friends speaks volumes to a woman! So as you continue on in your pursuits of healthy relationships; remember ladies and gents to do your best to speak and walk in truth and be clear on your intent. By doing so, you will save yourself much heartache and headache! Wishing You Peace and Prosperity Cole
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Style, Uncategorized

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0

Style, Uncategorized

There are many variations of passages of Lorem Ipsum available, but the majority have suffered alteration in some form, by injected humour, or randomised words which don’t look even slightly believable. If you are going to use a passage of Lorem Ipsum, you need to be sure there isn’t anything embarrassing hidden in the middle of text. All the Lorem Ipsum generators on the Internet tend to repeat predefined chunks as necessary, making this the first true generator on the Internet. It uses a dictionary of over 200 Latin words, combined w

0

Style, Uncategorized
Massive Dynamic has over 10 years of experience in Design. We take pride in delivering Intelligent Designs and Engaging Experiences for clients all over the World. There are many variations of passages of Lorem Ipsum available, but the majority have suffered alteration in some form, by injected humour, or randomised words which don’t look even slightly believable. If you are going to use a passage of Lorem Ipsum, you need to be sure there isn’t anything embarrassing hidden in the middle of text. All the Lorem Ipsum generators on the Internet tend to repeat predefined chunks as necessary, making this the first true generator on the Internet. It uses a dictionary of over 200 Latin words, combined with a handful of model sentence structures, to generate Lorem Ipsum which looks reasonable. The generated Lorem Ipsum is therefore always free from repetition, injected humour, or non-characteristic words etc.
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Relationships, Uncategorized
Well it’s been some time since my last post and boy have I missed this! But during my hiatus, I tell you I have learned much and seen much and have much to share! I’d like to kick it off with the word AGENDA. Merriam Webster defines the word as “a list of things to be considered or done. A plan or goal that guides someone’s behavior and that is often kept secret.” man with question mark Now when I read that definition and then think about the way we can interpret either one, the ending will leave you feeling that it’s a negative word. Whenever we hear or read the word secret, it can leave one feeling like they are about to partake in, have been, or will be deceived or be deceiving. Although this may be true in some instances, let’s take the second definition away and just focus on the first half. So here’s the truth..EVERYONE HAS AGENDA’S!! I know I know let me guess, not you right? You want people to know you are who you are and nothing more or less. That’s cool. No really it is. But just know, WE ALL DESIRE SOMETHING IN LIFE and depending on the TACTICS we use to get them, our agenda’s will be perceived accordingly. The best way to make sure your goals are received and accomplished the right way in the relationships you cultivate, is to be honest about the WHY. Often times people know WHAT you want, but they don’t always know WHY you want it and more importantly WHY you want it from them. S0000 how about you tell them! kanye shrug Here’s how:
  1. Compliments Create Conversation
    • “This is the best party. How did you come up with this idea?”
    • “You look great. Where do you get your sense of style?”
    • “I admire how you have built your brand. What advice would you give to someone in the beginning stages of building their own brand?”
  2. Always think Servitude (Where do they have a need that you can assist with?)
    • Offer/Provide your time
    • Extend your gfts and or talents
    • Give of your resources
  3. Grow Organically (If it’s meant to be it will be)
    • Connect through social media
    • Have small talk when at mutual events
    • Be kind and authentic. Never try to be someone you are not to gain their attention
When it’s all said and done, you cannot force anyone to believe what you believe nor do what you want them to do. Not if you want to have healthy, genuine, long-lasting relationships. You must be you in your most authentic form, allow the energy you project bring forth what you want to connect up with and then let God do the rest (at least that what I do). Try it and let me know how it goes! Tell next Monday have a great week and Be Intentional! Cole
2

Relationships, Uncategorized
We all have had a time when we gave our all to a person, position or project and was left feeling unappreciated, abused and just plain used. There was a level of vulnerability that you allowed to be displayed that left you open to be hurt in a major way. You’ve shed some tears, broke some things and maybe even went into hiding to get beyond the pain. But sometimes even with all those tactics and maneuvering to clear up the residue of the pain inflicted on you, it sometimes still lingers. Its frustrating because all you want is to be free of the reminders of it and move on with your life and for some reason you just cant!  Well my friend have you considered that the issue may be the people that surround you? Could it be that these very individuals are the ones causing the remnant of pain? I know often times we don’t want to think that someone close to us is causing us additional pain, but the fact is the very people closest to us are sometimes the very ones hindering our success in life. So once you identify who they are what do you do? How do you handle such a delicate situation? How do you possibly open up the conversation and how do you move forward after you’ve had it? Do you just dive right in with no chaser? Or warm them up to it by creating the right environment to discuss the issues. Neither are horrible the main thing is to do it. Its your life and you must take control. Taking control requires courage and confidence. but you can do it! When having to take these measures give a few of these tips a try: 1. Meet a neutral place Do not meet at “the spot” that is your normal hanging place to chat or catch up. You need to meet in a neutral spot where the distractions will be minimal and the interaction can be more focused. 2. No small talk Normally when you meet up with a friend you two discuss a little small talk. What happened on the way, who called you just before you got there etc. The tone of this conversation is serious and you want to make it known that you mean what you say and you must say what you mean. 3. Leave no stone unturned Speak freely and frankly. Do not beat around the bush with your feelings on the matter nor leave out certain things that you just don’t feel like going into at the time. If it hurt you, held you back or seems to be a repetitive issue address it. 4. Let them say their peace If by chance the relationship can be saved you must allow them a chance to say their side. You cannot control the entire conversation, dump all your concerns on them and not give them a chance to respond. Even if the relationship is not salvageable, its always healthy to hear what the other has to say to create that closure many of us like or need to have. It either confirms what you already knew or creates awareness of things you didn’t. When everything has been laid out on the table there is a weight that can be lifted off of you emotionally which allows you to move forward in life freely without hesitation due to the past. Now of course there is no right or wrong way to address a situation that is hurting you. The most important factor is to address it. Do not allow another moment of your life to be stolen away due to poor habits, lifestyle choices or influences. Deal with them and remove as necessary. It’s your life and you deserve to live it in abundance! Much Love ~Cole~
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