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Relationships, Uncategorized
Well it’s been some time since my last post and boy have I missed this! But during my hiatus, I tell you I have learned much and seen much and have much to share! I’d like to kick it off with the word AGENDA. Merriam Webster defines the word as “a list of things to be considered or done. A plan or goal that guides someone’s behavior and that is often kept secret.” man with question mark Now when I read that definition and then think about the way we can interpret either one, the ending will leave you feeling that it’s a negative word. Whenever we hear or read the word secret, it can leave one feeling like they are about to partake in, have been, or will be deceived or be deceiving. Although this may be true in some instances, let’s take the second definition away and just focus on the first half. So here’s the truth..EVERYONE HAS AGENDA’S!! I know I know let me guess, not you right? You want people to know you are who you are and nothing more or less. That’s cool. No really it is. But just know, WE ALL DESIRE SOMETHING IN LIFE and depending on the TACTICS we use to get them, our agenda’s will be perceived accordingly. The best way to make sure your goals are received and accomplished the right way in the relationships you cultivate, is to be honest about the WHY. Often times people know WHAT you want, but they don’t always know WHY you want it and more importantly WHY you want it from them. S0000 how about you tell them! kanye shrug Here’s how:
  1. Compliments Create Conversation
    • “This is the best party. How did you come up with this idea?”
    • “You look great. Where do you get your sense of style?”
    • “I admire how you have built your brand. What advice would you give to someone in the beginning stages of building their own brand?”
  2. Always think Servitude (Where do they have a need that you can assist with?)
    • Offer/Provide your time
    • Extend your gfts and or talents
    • Give of your resources
  3. Grow Organically (If it’s meant to be it will be)
    • Connect through social media
    • Have small talk when at mutual events
    • Be kind and authentic. Never try to be someone you are not to gain their attention
When it’s all said and done, you cannot force anyone to believe what you believe nor do what you want them to do. Not if you want to have healthy, genuine, long-lasting relationships. You must be you in your most authentic form, allow the energy you project bring forth what you want to connect up with and then let God do the rest (at least that what I do). Try it and let me know how it goes! Tell next Monday have a great week and Be Intentional! Cole

How many times have you found yourself in a spot of betrayal? Said to yourself “I never imagined this would happen” or better yet “I would have never thought they would do such a thing!” These statements and many others are the tails I’ve heard and even said in my years of learning people and building relationships. These very statements are the signs that you have been a victim of an opportunist. You may or may not know what an opportunist is or even how they surface, but I can almost bet that you have been victim to one in some form or another. So who are these people? An opportunist simply put, is an individual who seizes every opportunity to improve life for themselves. Basically, if it doesn’t help them, they don’t do it. Now, when you think of it this way you would think everyone should spot an opportunist the moment they appear. The only problem with this thought is that an opportunist does not allow themselves to be spotted in plain view. They have crafted a skill and depending on how advanced one is in their opportunistic ways, they can get what they desire and move on to the next without ever being detected. Its rather quite stomach turning to know the depths of how far this personality will go to get what they want. But what’s worse and much more life threatening is if you deny this type of person exists and ignore the signs when it’s happening to you. Spotting the Loyal Liar What do they talk about the most with you?
  • Money
  • Sex
  • Influence (fame, recognition, leadership, authority or power)
Above are some trigger topics that you will hear often from many people. But the key to zone in on is what is it that the people around you talk the most to YOU specifically about and do they benefit others as much as themselves or just themselves? The triggers I listed above are common topics that most opportunist will use. If you have something they want, they will repeat that thing every time they are with you until they get it. It can be subtle and often layered in with casual conversation or it can be blatantly done to the point you dismiss it as a joke. No matter how its done, pay close attention to the frequency of it. This will tell you if you have a possible opportunist in your midst. Is there a pattern in their presence?
  • They always seem to have an emergency that needs your assistance
  • They take from you but you can hardly count the ways they have given back to you or can be relied on when you are in need
  • Around for the good times but never the bad times
  • They often make more “I” than “We” statements when collaborating with you on something
  • They often tell you what you want or need to hear but with no action tied to it
These are just a few beginning signs that you may encounter with the opportunist in your life. Keep in mind a master manipulator will often be able to hide these signs making it more difficult to pick up on their schemes. One tried and true way of knowing if you are in the presence of an opportunist is the way you feel when they leave you. When a person is adding value to your life you feel empowered to be better. When a person is continuously taking from you, there is a void that remains when they leave you. You feel less energized often down and in some cases of no value to others. An opportunist is like a leach. Once they have made all the withdraws they can make from you, they move on to the more abundant victim, leaving you lifeless, depleted and broken. When you recognize that this person exist in your life, begin taking immediate measures to not only remove them from your life, but learn to recognize early on when this person tries to enter your life and stop them before they can even start the preying process. The value of your life should never be negotiated it should be celebrated! #beintentional #bewise

Career, Relationships

Oh how I love social media!! There was a time when you had to wonder what was going on with this household, that relationship or co-worker. Now you just log onto your favorite social media site and you can pretty much learn all you want to know! It’s funny at times, but in most cases very scary and downright sad. There was a time when one would say “What happens in this house, stays in this house.” Now its “Let’s show how REAL we really are and post it!” Let’s show the people that we are no different than the next person. We are human just like you” Now I am all about  being authentic and transparent with people when it will benefit them and help them succeed in life. But I do not agree with telling my every move and keeping people up to speed on every possible move I make. There has to be balance to everything and social media is no different.

I have watched countless relationships get ruined or badly damaged due to social media output. I have seen women and men attack each other on a whole other level just to be relevant or popular. Or the ones who have deep wounds that have not healed and bleed their feelings all over social media pages to gain support and strength. Both can be very unhealthy and detrimental to ones future. Therefore, managing this big resource will be key to maintaining your focus and protecting your goals and the people in life surrounding them. So how does one stay in touch with the ever changing social world and maintain privacy? Great question! Let’s take a look:

status update

Relationship statuses need not be a priority to post

If you are not married leave the relationship status option alone. Here’s the deal, we all know that people change, things change etc. etc. Unless the ultimate commitment has been made, that being marriage, you run the risk of appearing unstable or one who tends to “play the field” quite a bit if you get my drift. If you’re a serial dater or use the online dating option quite a bit, use caution in giving updates with photos of who you’re out with. As we all know when things are going great in the relationship world, everyone and their cousin wants to throw some type of negativity on it. It’s almost like the universe of hate decides to bless you with all things ugly. You get inbox/text/voicemail messages from people you don’t know saying “I felt you should know..” or “Beware they are known to..” all in an attempt to sabotage your happiness or bring about drama to watch unfold.  Save yourself the extra stress by saving this update for when it matters most and that would be when your tax filing status has changed.

selfie photo

Self Centered Selfies – “Let me take a selfie”

Oh the famous selfie. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter are inundated with selfies galore! Everywhere you scroll you tend to see a selfie. I admit they can be fun to post and humorous often times, but when the selfie turns into a “look at me” daily scheduled event, it can be down right annoying. A recent 2013 Facebook survey stated “Facebook users found that posting photos of oneself correlates with lower levels of social support from and intimacy with Facebook friends (except for those marked as Close Friends).” The lead author of the study suggests that “those who frequently post photographs on Facebook risk damaging real-life relationships.” In other words, people don’t want to be forced to like you because you take photos and look for likes to be tagged to it; even from your closest friends. It becomes almost an obligation for them rather than a sincere compliment. Although selfies are the norm for social media, use them more at networking/business events, sporting events, conferences etc. Basically limit your self-centered photos of being in the bathroom, in your car, or in the bed for that special someone or practical jokes. It might just save you a ton of embarrassment and or even your job!


No more drama please

You know this person. One minute they are happy the next minute someone has psst them completely off then the next minute they are hopelessly in-love then the next moment the world is ending. Dear God! Make it stop! I got annoyed just typing that up. Ladies I have to really go hard on you with this one because this is primarily done by our gender. Yes we are emotional creatures, nurturers and guiders of this vast world; but does everyone need to see your emotions flood their timeline? I think not. For my most sensitive male, the one who is “in touch” with his feelings this goes for you too. We all have those days when the world of feelings just hit us every which a way. I mean slap us in such a way we want to scream. But please for the sanity of those who love you and for your reputation leave the drama for inside your home or your therapist. Believe it or not, many employers use Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn as a primary source of getting insight into who you really are. You don’t want to miss out on a great opportunity all because you decided to share your every waking feeling with the world.

At the end of the day, we all have our shortcomings or less than favorable ways that some people just won’t deal with. The key is to let those traits be seen by those individuals in a controlled and less public manner. Because what you do now, truly does come back to you in the future when sharing it on social media. Stay cautious my friends.

Much Love